he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
