I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
