it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize