Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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