Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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