sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
