So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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