oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
