i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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