and i looked up. we had an audience...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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