he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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