I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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