Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
