I smell stomach acid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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