Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
