Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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