this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
