dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
