Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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