No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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