You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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