whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
