you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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