There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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