I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i love accidental penises.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
