How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
