Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Duck Duck Cougar?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
