Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
