how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
