Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
