did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
