The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
