if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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