the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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