I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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