the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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