What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
