Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Green mimosas i think yes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
