If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
