strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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