the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
