i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
