well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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