Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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