Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
