Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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