What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
