Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
