I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
