Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
