They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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