dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm bleeding and have questions
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
