So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
