i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
