Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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