I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
