I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
