I faked an abortion last night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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