the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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