I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
