just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
