I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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