My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
