After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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