Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
