The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
