my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize