New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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