Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he thought i was a dude.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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