So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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