I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
