Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
