im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
