Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
