are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
