it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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