More tranny stories later!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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