There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
